Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)

Hello Virgo, you buzz kill. Why are you always taking the piss out of things? There?s more than one way to do things, Virgo. You are either really boring, or really psychotic. You also have no business touching alcohol. Society created AA Meetings specifically for Virgos. The only reason you drink so much is because you are a total bore when you?re sober.

The Good

Virgos are mellow and easygoing. They?re overall nice people and hilarious, when its within their own limitations of course. They are hard workers and thrive on intelligent conversation. They like order, so they will most likely have a clean home that is neatly organized. If you ever need to plan a trip, you better believe that the Virgo will be at your door fifteen minutes earlier than the agreed time. Traffic!

Virgos are always trying to find ways of improving themselves and making things better, within reason. They are very wise when it comes to money. Most Virgos are very patient and determined, when it comes to getting what they want. They use their brain instead of their instincts, which makes them easier to trust.

Virgos know how to throw a decent party, and I stress the word decent. This means that you can forget about having an all out rage at your home. It?s parlor games and cocktail parties for you! You will probably have more fun trying to kill a nasty cockroach in your kitchen. It is rare for Virgos to make mistakes. They are annoyingly anal.

The Bad

Virgos criticize everything and everyone. At times it seems to be the only language they know how to speak! They frown at the outrageous and the extreme. They also worry about everything. Virgos are practical to the point it makes you nauseous. You always wonder if a Virgo knows how to loosen up once in awhile. Nagging seems the be Virgo?s second language.

Relationships

Virgo Man: Good luck with tying this one down. Most Virgo men are too busy to even bother with relationships. They are probably one of the Sun Signs that can do without sex and relationships. Shut up, I didn?t say ALL of you. Damn.

You must meet up to his impossibly high standards in order for him to even consider dating you. If you do happen to find yourself dating a Virgo Man, don?t be surprised if he shows up with a flow chart on how the relationship is going to be. Everything has to be perfectly planned!

Virgo Women: Virgo Women take their time just as their male counterparts. They seem pretty cool on the surface, but they are suspicious of every male that tries to get their attention. They are almost never involved in whirlwind type relationships. They like to take their time to know their would-be suitor, because they fear falling in love with the wrong man. Virgo Women are boring, but they can teach us a thing or two about relationships.

Virgos and Sex

I?m not going to even bother separating the genders here, because most if not all Virgos think sex is overrated. You read that correctly. They don?t understand why people need to put so much weight into its importance. It is only needed for reproducing and that?s it! Don?t get me wrong. I?m not saying they don?t like to have sex, I?m just saying they don?t see what the fuss is all about with what is a perfectly natural function. I hope to god I never hook up with a Virgo Man.

How to get rid of a Virgo

Curse alot. Stop showering. Start watching pornos. Gamble with your money. Question their decisions. Wear your worst possible outfit to dinner.

Advice for Virgo

Do something daring once in awhile, like show up five minutes late to a function or something like that. Be more open to ideas outside your approved list. Stop criticizing people, or at least shut up about it.